[Around this time of the year we might start thinking about what we are deeply grateful for. We might also look around to acknowledge others’ contributions in our happiness, success and achievements all along the year. This is when appreciation comes to play! “Why Employees Need Both Recognition and Appreciation” was one of the Harvard Business Reviews which made me, as a people leader but more importantly as a human-being , think more deeply about how a proper appreciation looks like!]
While appreciation, by definition, means recognition and enjoyment of the good QUALITIES of someone or something, it is often being used only as recognizing people’s ACHIEVEMENTS and QUANTITATIVE contributions. In a nutshell:
“We usually appreciate others for what they do not for who they are!”
There is a distinction between Appreciation and Recognition while they are being used interchangeably.
[HBR] Recognition is about giving positive feedback based on results or performance. Sometimes this happens in a formal way: an award, a bonus, a promotion, a raise. Appreciation, on the other hand, is about acknowledging a person’s inherent value. The point isn’t their accomplishments. It’s their worth as a colleague and a human being.
From time to time, we all are hearing a loud internal voice which keeps reminding us “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” You are not capable enough, not smart enough, not worthy of love, not worthy of success and etc. This is a voice which sometimes with all the good intentions is trying to keep us safe but at the cost of keeping us small. There are tons fo tools, technics and references on how to reduce, play with or even shut it down! I would argue that “Appreciation”, although should fall on the top of the list, is being neglected as a powerful social tool for enablement.
How often you stopped hearing one of this internal messages, not necessarily as a result of hours of psychotherapy but simply as a result of a deep conversation with a close friend or someone being inspiring to you. One of those eye-opening conversations in which someone kept a mirror in front of us, reminding that we are not our successes or failures, we are all those core qualities of BEING who led to the results of our DOING. Those conversations in which someone sincerely is acknowledging our unconscious characteristics or personal values, the reasons why we are who we are. Those conversations in which we are not being valued only for what we have done for an individual or an organization but also for the qualities which are embedded in us and we might overlook them. Our BEING is our long-lasting free ticket to get to the land of any form of DOING, no matter which relationship we are in. either with individuals or organizations. In other words, recognizing the inner qualities in people rather that their quantitative results might enable them for a life!
If your are thinking about how to appreciate others and this short article is resonating with you, just start by putting the simple formula into action.
I APPRECIATE YOU FOR [BEING] WHEN [DOING]
Take it on yourself to spend enough time on knowing people around you, their core values, their unique characteristics and qualities to fill the gaps with the right words. Table below is just to give you a clue of many options.
All to say if ever you had a chance to appreciate someone, be aware of the fact that you might be given a chance to break the spell of “NOT BEING ENOUGH” in someone’s life and open doors to many possibilities for them!